elmo machete

artist/writer/adventurer

M.S.F.W. (mostly safe for work)

My Best Friend is Terribly Repressed.

He loaned me the first volume of the book Sex Criminals, which is fantastic by the way, then told me about how he and his wife (who I also suspect is terribly repressed) got into an argument about it. She took issue with the fact that he bought a comic entitled “Sex Criminals” and how raunchy the book was. He defended it, saying the book was well written and quite clever, then he went on to admonish me for expressing my disappointment after finally having seen full frontal ScarJo nudity while we were watching Winter Soldier.

(She didn’t get naked in Winter Soldier, I mentioned that I’d seen her naked while we were watching Winter Soldier. Don’t wanna give anybody false impressions that they’re gonna see a vagina in a Marvel movie.)

"We’re almost thirty, nobody cares about Scarlett Johansson getting naked."

Um… yeah, they do. Otherwise why would she have done it? This isn’t Kathy Bates in About Schmidt we’re talking about here. I’m sure many people of varying ages & genders would LOVE to see Scarlett Johansson naked.

It took me until I got home & halfway through Sex Criminals to get really pissed off about it. I thought to myself, “really? You bought, enjoyed and defended a book entitled SEX CRIMINALS, which has references to ‘anal doubloons’ and ‘the world’s longest commercially released dildo,’ you and your wife giggled at jokes I made about having intercourse with your dog, but an honest opinion on saggy boobs is ‘too raunchy?’ Fuck you.”

Then I realized that the literal opposite of REpressed would be DEpressed, and I hid under my blanket for the next couple hours.

Feeling kinda blah today, so I think what I need to do is take a walk around town and check out as many Halloween displays as I can find. Even if I don’t buy anything, which I likely won’t, it’ll help put me in a Halloween-y mood. Then maybe I’ll come home and draw some Universal Monsters in questionable attire/situations.

I think he’s a shark.

I think he’s a shark.

mummyshark:

Assuming this photo of a demon mask in a packaged marked “Christmas Decorations” gets reblogged around, I want people to understand that this is what they’re missing by not following me. Thank you.

mummyshark:

Assuming this photo of a demon mask in a packaged marked “Christmas Decorations” gets reblogged around, I want people to understand that this is what they’re missing by not following me. Thank you.

"HAHAHA - (splat) - ha."

(Source: weloveshortvideos.com, via disgustinghuman)

The bathroom upstairs in my house is connected to my Dad’s bedroom where he sleeps, watches nothing but Law & Order, and practices the guitar. There can’t be too many other people out there who get to enjoy live music while taking a dump…

Most alarming is the sign for “yard sale” that points in the exact same direction.

Most alarming is the sign for “yard sale” that points in the exact same direction.